This letter was written by a real young women who lives at the Jane Aubrey House. #reasonsforHopeFirst
Well hello again. I wasn’t expecting to ever see or speak to you again, but fortunately for me and unlike many others you’ve met, I have the chance to say a few final words. Plus I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately – the good, bad, the happy and sad. I sometimes find myself fantasizing about you and reminiscing on all the times we used to spend together.
Remember the first time we met? Mikey introduced us and he spoke so highly of you. He told me that I would like you – but he also warned me not to get too close. Not that it had made much difference; I became infatuated with you almost instantly. The way you were able to make me forget about all of my problems and how you filled my soul with warmth and confidence. I tried to control the infatuation I had with you and take Mikey’s advise on not getting too close by only seeing you a couple times a week – but just like everyone else who has met you – I fell a victim under your spell.
How about the first time we got intimate, do you remember that? Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly love you anymore than I did, you gave me a rush I’ve never experienced before; the kind that took over my entire mind, body, and soul. I’ll never be able to forget that feeling or get the picture out of my head. It’s like you won’t let me forget it. You haunt me in my dreams. For the prick of my skin, the blood in the syringe, my head falling back in slow motion as I exhale that calming almost still breath. Only I don’t make it out alive, so these dreams are more like nightmares, you see?
And what’s it been now, almost three years since we met? Sheesh time sure flew by huh? I never realized how much I was changing as each day went by, but looking back now, everything is so different. Nothing ever seemed as bad when we were together. I thought that as long as I had you, nothing could really go that wrong…but it did.
You tore me down and took the best of me, you took what was left of me – my confidence, my self-worth, my happiness, my friends, family, and my home – leaving me sad, broken, and alone. Anything I valued was consumed by you; our relationship was just one big catch-22. Everything in which you first gave to me you had eventually took back from me and more. There’s one thing that’s been bothering me, that’s been weighing down on me for sure – you took Mikey from me too – you know the one who I mentioned before; I’m still mourning his death and it’s another big reason why I’m letting go.
Saying goodbye to you isn’t all that easy, but at the same time it’s what I had to do; and now I’m taking the chance to start my life over new. That’s right, I’m breaking those chains you had holding me hostage to you. So if you are wondering how I’m doing, don’t ask me; just let me be – because in the first time in a long time, I finally feel free.